Oh what a slacker!

Well, it has obviously been over a month. There are many reasons for that, some valid, others not so much. I am sometimes torn between the idea that I have so much I want to blog and the idea that I really have nothing worthwhile to say.
My children sat me down at the end of December and told me that they love me ANY way I am, but they don`t think I am happy with how I look. You that know me know I am a bit........."fluffy". And my kids are right. I hate my appearance.It is funny because I often forget that I am no longer that smaller 20 year old girl. Til I see a mirror or WORSE a glass door that reflects me in all of my glory. So with their gentle support I have embarked on a lifestyle change. In January I gave up pop and treats and candy and junk food. I do allow myself a free day on Sunday, but no pop. It was brutal. I also write down what I eat in my special Angry Bird notebook. (Which is highly appropriate because I feel like an angry bird a lot). And at my doctor`s appointment I had indeed lost a TINY LITTLE BIT of weight. And I try not to be discouraged because it really is such a small amount. It is now February and I am supposed to add in exercise. So far, I haven`t. I loath and detest exercise. But I really gotta buck up and get on that bandwagon. I really want to be free of this weight, it weighs me down. Ha! Pun intended. It is a challenge for me. As I put on Facebook recently, it is SO much more fun getting fat than getting unfat.
I have also been subbing every day since December. And I am just so grateful and at the same time overwhelmed. Life at our house seems to be out of control and I am slacking. I seem to be coming up short everywhere I turn. I think I need to adopt Nike`s slogan. Just Do It. But I am not sure how to do that? So, if any of you 3 people reading this have any advice, ideas, inspiration. Well, let me know!
And I am going to be better at this blogging thing. I love blogging and blog stalking too much to slack so much.

Take these and call me in the morning.....

I have been subbing in the 4th grade at Parker-Egin elementary. It was rewarding, exhausting and finished. Today I said good-bye and gave them a bookmark for Christmas. And you know what? I was sad! I am going to miss those kids. And I admire teachers even more. Say what you will about the decline of education blah blah blah, but it is incredibly difficult to teach a room full of kids who are at different levels, have different backgrounds and family and home environments. You can give it your best but not every kid is going to get what you are teaching. So you try it a different way. And you worry and hope you can help each of them understand. I am stumped as to why legislators think we should base teachers pay on their students scores. Because I did everything I could, I studied the material, reviewed, used different strategies and even felt pretty good about the kids' handle on singular and plural possessive nouns. But they still didn't test well!!!! Now I know I am not a real teacher, but should my pay be based on those tests? Because I tried my very best and still some didn't get it. How do you measure the success of someone when their job is teaching so many individuals? So, if anyone is reading this, I challenge you to thank a teacher in your life. One you had or one your children have had.
I am not sure if I am tired, emotional because I said goodbye or what, but I feel like I am at the end of my rope. Perhaps it is the seemingly endless list of things to do without corresponding endless time to accomplish it all. Or how I wish I could give my children the world for Christmas, but can't and really shouldn't anyway. My stomach is in knots and I am a tad, okay REALLY grumpy. There are certain things I am struggling with that sometimes feel too heavy. So, tonight I took a sleep aid and am hoping I will actually sleep and tomorrow will seem brighter! Or at the least I will be more able to deal. So, I took two and will call you in the morning. Not really, but maybe I will blog you!

Let the season begin.

Oh I love the First Presidency devotional. When they speak it feels like my Grandpa is teaching and talking to me. I love how the Conference Center is decorated. We used to drag the kids to the Stake Center to watch it, and there were lots of people there. Maybe it was before BYUtv? I was telling my kids how every year they would have new church clothes and the little girls would have beautiful little dresses. So we would drag them out after a typical Sunday of messed up schedules and missed naps. I remember Hannah stretching across the bench and falling asleep, her little cheeks on her folded arms. And tonight that little girl all grown up went to the Conference Center to the devotional! I hope she didn't stretch out on the floor and fall asleep! And now that the decorations are all up, the First Presidency has spoken, the season can begin!

And I am finished! Whew!

Even though they don't read my blog, maybe some day they will. They being Natalie and Brigham. Blessing 6 and 7. Let me back up a bit. When I was pregnant with Nathan and SO SO SO SICK I was at stake conference sitting out in the hall with my restless baby Hannah. Sharlene Wells Hawkes walked by me. Who is that you ask? She was Miss America in maybe 1984?, she married a guy from St. Anthony and they must have been visiting. She was and is just beautiful. Anyway, she walked by, I was sick, exhausted,discouraged. Did I mention sick? And I prayed a desperate prayer in my heart asking how much longer, how many times would I do this? And immediately came the answer in a simple, sacred manner and I knew I was supposed to have seven children. For whatever reason that comforted me. And now fast forward. I had a miscarriage between Porter and Hannah. When Emily was 18 mos I had a miscarriage. I went on to have 3 more before my doctor decided I was no longer producing progesterone. And finally I was able to have those last two babies. So, just the fact of their existence is miraculous and proof of divine promptings.
Natalie is my mini-me. Except much more beautiful. She loves to read. And she is yet another strong willed daughter of mine! I am grateful for Natalie's kindness and quiet concern. She is almost perfectly obedient, but I take advantage of that sometimes and need to remember not to depend so much on her. I am awed by her determination, she just doesn't give up. I am thankful that what she wants to be is a mom. Natalie has been a blessing since the moment we knew she was on the way.
Brigham has been through more in ten years than most people are in several decades of life. I am thankful for his toughness and acceptance of his perthes disease. He just dealt with the circumstances. I am grateful for the challenge he is to me. For some reason he was sent to our family last. When I am tired and worn out but need to be more on my mom game than ever. I am grateful he keeps me having to remember that life should be fun and simple. That there is fun to be had in little green army men. And Disney movies and Christmas movies. I love that he LOVES sports, especially football and can talk like an adult with Gary about it all.
This has been a good November. And I am glad I decided to blog my blessings. Life is good, and I forget that often. We had wonderful Sacrament meeting talks about gratitude.Something else I am grateful for! I am thankful for Gary's calling. He is an amazing bishop for those BYUI kids. I am so glad I get to prove that I will be strong and faithful. I am alone with my kids most of the time, but it's ok. And I am so thankful for Gary. That he loves Heavenly Father more than me. That he loves me. That he is the best speaker ever! That he has provided us a life. Overall there is so much to be grateful for

Two more blessings.

I am taking a break from decorating our trees. And that is definitely a topic for another post. Anyway, I am going to finish out my thankful/gratitude posts the next few days.
Nathan was an unexpected blessing. Hannah was 3 or so months old when I found out I was having another baby. WOW. His was a difficult pregnancy. I had the Beijing flu in my second trimester and the doctor told me that my unborn baby would always have problematic teeth. Poor kid, that turned out to be true. He had 4 root canals by the age of four and it continues today. But he is brave and just does what he has to. I admire Nathan because he marches to his own drummer. He could care LESS what others say about him. He knows what he wants to do and is going to do it. I am thankful for his thirst and zeal for knowledge and learning. I am so grateful that he sets and accomplishes goals, we rarely have to remind him. He is kind and considerate, especially to younger kids. I am so thankful he has a good work ethic. He had a paper route for 3 yeaRs and then has worked at Exxon since high school. He is an obedient soul and I think I overlook what a blessing that is for a mother. I am also glad that he and Hannah have always been best friends. Nathan was a surprise that turned out to be a huge, wonderful blessing. And I am thankful he is my son.
And then there was Emily. How thankful I am for Emily. She brings life and commotion to our home! I am grateful for her spunk. And her strong will. Hmmm, another strong daughter! When I watch her play soccer or basketball my heart fills with joy. She is fearless and confident. But has worked to get there. I am thankful for her loyalty. If you can get behind the walls she builds, well you are in for life. Most of the time I am grateful for her sheer grit. You can not distract her from what she wants to do. Or bribe her to do what she does not. When she was 3 we enrolled her in ballet, just as we had Hannah. Well, the first day came. For some reason I couldn't go so she went with her best friend Braydn and her mom Jodi. Emily did NOT want to dance. Nothing Jodi said would convince her. This tiny 3 year old child couldn't even be bribed with candy or ice cream. And that is the theme of her life! I am also thankful for how fiercely she loves the family she babysits for, it shows me that some day she will be a great mom. Hopefully to five daughters just like her! Haha. The day Emmy came to our home was a great day indeed!

I am skipping a day.

I want to write about my four other blessings. Otherwise known as my four other children. But I am tired and have 6 more chocolate pies to make. So I will extend my grateful posts to the end of November. I am grateful for my bed!

Ummmm.......

Today I am glad to be me. I am not pretty, or smart or special. And that is ok because I am who I am supposed to be. Aim grateful to know that.